If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. - Frank A,. Clark

Life throws shit at all of us; we have to deal with pain and loss and setbacks – it’s kinda the whole point of being alive.

We all signed up for this physical experience and life would be pretty damn boring if all we did was skip merrily along enjoying the good times.

So, the question is this… Do you ally yourself with the victims – those who believe that life happens to them – or with the thrivers – those who treat every experience as a chance to learn and grow?

I am well and truly allied with the latter.


Every single ‘bad’ thing that has happened in my life has lead me to discover something amazing about myself:

If I hadn’t had a breakdown in 2002, I wouldn’t have discovered the benefits of crystal therapy and I wouldn’t have jumped off the corporate hamster wheel and set up my own business.

The sudden death of a dear friend gave me the courage to leave my marriage because I realised that life was precious and I that was insanely miserable and didn’t even recognise myself anymore.

Leaving my marriage allowed me to become myself again. I now have a life that I absolutely adore with people who truly love me for who I am.

The pain in each of these cases was at times unbearable. I spent many days, weeks and months healing – and I’m very much still a work in progress. I’ve been through dark nights of the soul, drunk far too much wine and cried my weight in tears.


But I am thankful for the pain. It truly lets me know that I am alive and makes the good days shine that much brighter. I am now grateful for every little good thing that happens in my life.

I definitely know who I can rely on and who I can’t. I have decluttered my life and am far more selective about who I allow to be a part of it.

It’s hard work to heal and there is no timetable. It takes as long as it takes.

Acceptance, self-forgiveness and forgiving those who have hurt me are all massive steps that have taken years. But I am stronger and more resilient than ever. So I thank the pain for giving me the opportunity to grow and be the person I am today.

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.” – Steve Mariboli


My message may feel raw to you if you’re struggling with a trauma or tough times at the moment. It’s not meant to be a call to ‘get over it’ or to try and speed through the process of coming to terms with your situation. I know that isn’t helpful.

It is also not a competition. I’m not getting into some “my trauma is greater than yours” debate. This is about support. Know that things will get better if you focus on forgiveness instead of blame; on being a survivor instead of a victim.

It is a reminder that if you take the time to do the work, to heal and learn from your experiences that you will reap the rewards in the long run.

Life really is what you make it.

Love Holly

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