If you want to change your life you have to raise your standards. Tony Robbins

Ah, life…

No matter what you think it’s going to be like, it often has a way of surprising you. At 44 I am a happily divorced single mum and have recently started dating again. And yes, I mean ONLINE dating. Oh, what a bloody shock to the system that’s been!!!

In a world where we are all connected by the wonders of technology, meeting someone new online is a doddle but it is also a fucking minefield! The stories I could tell. Maybe I’ll write a book one day with names changed to protect the not-so-innocent…

But back to this post. It’s all about setting standards and although it is really a response to the minefield I currently find myself in it is as equally important in all parts of life. Whether it’s a new job, a house purchase or simply day-to-day decision making.

Without standards, we lurch from one situation to another never really knowing what it is that we are really looking for and then being disappointed when nothing ‘fits’. 

So, here’s what I’ve learned from a few months of putting myself out there…

Know what YOU want…

Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

But have you every really thought about it? What do you REALLY WANT? Do you crave companionship, do you lust after that new motorbike, do you just want to watch TV all day? It doesn’t matter what the answer is, as long as it’s what you really want.

So often I ask my clients what they are aiming for and they don’t really know. But without knowing what you want, how can you figure out whether a potential partner (or career opportunity) is actually right for you?

No makes way for yes - truthbomb by Danielle LaPorte

If you haven’t done this before then I recommend setting aside an hour, sit down with a pen and paper and a cup of tea or glass of wine and let your feelings flow. Get in touch with that part of you that is longing for something better and get it on paper. It often helps to write down what you don’t want to begin with and then figure out how you can attract something better.

One of my pet hates is guys who don’t bother trying on dates – literally had one guy show up in tracky dacks – so my standard is now very clearly ‘smart and well dressed’.

Don’t Compromise

Once you have your list put it somewhere that you can refer to it and DON’T COMPROMISE – at least not on the big stuff. If you are too picky then you’ll rule out pretty much every possibility, but don’t feel that you have to accept something you really can’t live with just because you are desperate for change.

Do you want that guy to text you but he’s always ‘too busy’?

Do you want that house even though it’s in completely the wrong location?

Do you need that job working for an arsehole?

Learn from these situations what it is you really liked about a particular job/guy/house and move on. Life is really too short to spend time resenting or regretting your decision when you lower your standards.

Your boundaries say a lot about how much you value yourself and are really important to maintain. No-one else will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.

You Are Worthy

You really are worthy of a love that is real, of a job that fulfils you and a place you adore to call home – and everything else. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to work for it, but don’t compromise on your dreams just to live an easy life. Because one day that easy life won’t cut it anymore and you’ll want more.

Even with everything that I have been through – and the ‘interesting’ dates I have been on, I wouldn’t change a thing. I know that I am worthy of so much more and that if a guy really thinks it’s OK to ghost me then that’s an indication of his character, not mine. 

“Know who you are. Know what you want. Know what you deserve. And don’t settle for less”
– Tony Gaskins 

So my advice…

Hold out for what will truly make you happy, don’t settle for less and enjoy yourself along the way!

Heal. Grow. Learn. Thrive. with Holly Hinton

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